I Am Not Google

google cover

I’ve been working in administrative support for my entire adult life. No matter where you work in admin support, your supervisor will have zero grasp of how technology works. Or they’re just an asshole – it’s hard to tell.

The role of admin support, once known as secretarial work, in many ways has barely changed since the 1950’s. So I need to maintain submissiveness at all times. I’m a glorified office housekeeper, an office mom, an adult babysitter. And if I dare say “no, I can’t do something”, it’s because I don’t have a “can-do” attitude – not very secretary-like.

secretary

This frequently becomes a problem when my supervisor asks the impossible. Mistaking me for Google seems to be particularly prevalent no matter where I work.

“Our e-newsletters keep ending up in people’s promotions tab on gmail. Can you fix it?”

blue things

I would, but I am not Google.

“Can you make our new website show at the top of the Google search results?”

red things

I would, but I am not Google.

“Our competitor’s website keeps popping up at the top of Google search results. Can you delete it?”

yellow things

I would, but I am not Google.

“The Google calendar app on my iphone keeps notifying me about meetings that were canceled.”

I know, mine does that too. It’s a bug.

“Can you fix it?”

blue things

I would, but I am not Google.

“Google maps says there’s a truck on fire on 880 and it’s going to take 6 hours to drive home. Can you fix it?”

green things

I would, but I am not Google.

“Am I pregnant?”

red things

I would, but I am not Google.

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